All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I enjoy the company of your penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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