Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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