How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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