I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
