is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
