I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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