Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
