Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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