He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize