It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
