Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
