Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
