Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sarcasm needs its own font
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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