Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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