mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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