Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
