the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize