Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
