It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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