Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
