I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
