bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
