My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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