Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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