True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
