There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
