So drunk its hurt
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
