I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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