Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
