i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
