I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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