cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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