Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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