I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
