He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
