I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
