I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
