just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
