You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize