Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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