my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
