Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
