My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
