So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
