Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
