Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
