I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
