I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
