I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
