Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
