turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
