That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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