she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
