you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize