The brown eye won't let me do that either.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
