oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
