How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
