He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was like getting head from an anaconda
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
