quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
