shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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