Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
