Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
where am i from again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
