Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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