This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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