My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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