Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are the jesus of drinking
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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