I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
