No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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