It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't put those talents on a resume
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
