Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
