I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
